My shirt smells like him.
Today I had the most intense feelings of being loved.
I think that is why it hurts so much.
I was trying so hard not to cry as he covered my body with his, being my favourite blankie. A few tears rolled down my cheek; I was hoping they went unnoticed. He then put his face right next to mine, swept the hair out of my eyes, and wiped the tears from my cheeks while saying “Don’t be sad, we will see each other soon. We always do Steph. We always do.”
with your hand on my shoulders, a meaningless movement: a movie script ending.
He always knows when I am even a little bit sad, even when everyone else thinks that I am doing just fine. It’s one of those things that I have grown to love about him. I know this is so hard on him, yet he is the one who wraps me in his arms and tells me it will all be okay. But I saw those tears in his eyes as he told me how much he missed me. We laid in bed all day, tightly wrapped up in each other. I’ve never felt closer to him. I never wanted to let go. I told him how scared I’ve felt lately, and how safe I feel with him.
Why do people have to be apart?
To be embraced in those arms, to feel that warmth, to experience that genuine love surrounding my entire body. That is all I want right now, yet I can’t have it. Today when I asked someone why we can’t just run away to wherever we want with whomever we want, he told me sometimes the best love requires the hardest fight. Ian is worth it. I haven’t felt so sure about something in a very long time.
I can feel his soft, loving touch on my skin.
I can smell him.
I can hear his calming voice in my ear.
I look over but he’s not there, so I pull my blankie close and make it through one more night alone.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row,
it seems farther than ever before.
I smile, close my eyes, and float off into that yellow room we adore; where only he and I exist. “We will see each other soon, we always do Steph.”
I need you so much closer.